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Coping with sexual assault is a long-term process. Some victims will feel the emotional impact immediately, while for others it may not surface for years after the assault. One key point to remember when helping a friend who has survived a sexual assault is that you cannot erase the memory of the assault. Nothing you can do can change history. It is important that you are there for your friend when they need you, but you are there to support them and try to quicken their recovery, not to change history.

While you cannot erase the memory there are certain things you can do which will speed up the recovery process for your friend. There are some key things that you can do and others that you want to make sure you don't do when you are helping a friend who has been assaulted. Some may be the same as those things that you should do immediately after your friend has been assaulted, but some are different.

Let your friend take the lead in their own recovery: Recovering from sexual assault is a long-term process. It is important that the victim is in control of this process and that they set their own pace. You should never force your friend to do anything that he/she is not ready to do yet. You should encourage your friend to talk to yourself or someone else, or seek help, and make them aware of the available options, but the ultimate decision of when they do this is theirs.

Show your friend that you want to listen and be ready to do so: Your friend may choose to come talk to you ten minutes, ten days, or ten years after the assault occurred. The important thing when your friend does come to talk to you is that you are there to listen to them. Someone has violated your friend's sense of trust and it is important that you respect their need for someone to confide in. Try to steer clear of asking specific questions about the crime, if your friend wants to tell you these specifics they will. Some victims will want to talk about the details of the rape, and it is important that you respect this. The most important thing is that you offer the victim an opportunity to talk and that when your friend does choose to talk to you, it is crucial that you listen and react with compassion, not with questions or judgments.

Believe your friend: This is one of the most important things you can do as a friend trying to help in the recovery process. Make sure that your friend knows that you believe them; people rarely lie about being sexually assaulted. Only 8% of reported rapes are false reports.

Accept their experience the way it happened: Nobody asks to be sexually assaulted and it is never the victim's fault. No matter what happened, a crime was committed and it is the rapist's fault, not that of the victim. Do not look for things that the victim could have done differently. Don't ask questions such as "Why didn't you scream?" You may also find that the victim may focus on things that they could have done differently. It is important to stress that this was not their fault and that they did nothing wrong. Don't focus on the victim's behavior; the ultimate responsibility for the crime that occurred lies in the hands of the person who committed the crime.

Face the issue and face your own fears and prejudices about rape: Rape is a serious crime and it has serious consequences and impacts. Your friends story is going to be painful to recount. Don't frighten them away by being disgusted by their story. If you act disgusted when your friend is telling you their story or talking to you they may perceive it as you being disgusted with them. Sexual assault is an ugly and scary crime and it is important that you conquer your own fears and prejudices about it for you to effectively assist your friend. As a friend of an assault victim you should also consider seeking counseling yourself. It is important to make sure that you take care of yourself because you cannot possibly help your friend if you are not in condition to do so.

Trust your own feelings as you are helping your friend: Trust your instincts when you are trying to help your friend. You are not a counselor or professional and your friend does not expect you to be, you are just supposed to be a friend. When you are trying to help your friend try to think about times when you have felt vulnerable or faced a crisis, and think about what helped you the most. Chances are that it was not any specific conversation that you had, but it was the knowledge that your friends were there for you, believed in you, were on your side and were committed to seeing you through a hard time. These are the things that will help your friend the most as they are going through the healing process.

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Shock
Disbelief
Anger
Mood Swings
Irritability
Denial
Fear
Helplessness
Embarrassment
Depression
Inability to concentrate or relax
Disturbances in eating and sleeping

The first stage is the trauma stage. There are many varying symptoms which can result from the trauma stage of rape trauma syndrome.

1. The victim may be afraid of being alone, this can occur both immediately after the assault and can continue long after the assault.
2. A fear of men may result from the assault. The victim may blame men in general, or may be left doubting their ability to choose a partner (this is particularly common in victims of date rape). They are often left wondering if they can ever trust their partners or their choice of partners again. Counseling can often reduce the effect of these feelings
3. Sexual problems may also result as the act of sex will be associated with the crime. Counseling can also help decrease this effect.
4. Depression is often a result after sexual assault, this can come and go for a long period of time after the assault. Generally, the more a survivor can talk about her situation, the less severe the depression is.
5. A survivor may fear retaliation if they decide to report the rape or press charges against their attacker.
6. A survivor may be afraid to trust after the assault, this often manifests itself long after the attack, often when the survivor finds themselves in a dating situation and wondering if it could happen again.
7. Concerns over the reactions of family and friends. Survivors often are uncertain as to how supportive their friends and family of them. They often feel as if their family and friends will blame them for what happened even though this is often not the case. Family and friends are often more supportive than the survivor thinks they will be.
8. Many physical problems can result from rape. These include symptoms from venereal disease to headaches, stomach aches, nightmares, inability to sleep and loss of appetite.

The second stage of rape trauma syndrome is the denial stage. In this stage the survivor will most likely just not want to talk about it. They will simply want to get on with their life and put this event in the past, behind them.

The third and final stage is the resolution stage. This is the stage where the survivor regains control of their life. This usually happens after they have dealt with their fears and feelings whether it was by talking to a counselor, family member or friend, or however they did it.