Mike "Gas Master" Borden
  
Year: Graduated 2005
Age: Much like his ethnicity, unknown.
Hometown: Slaughterhouse, New Hampshire
Major: Sandals
Hobbies: Baking, womanizing, and disappearing like a ninja.
Spirit Animal: The nimble, yet looming, giraffe.
Super-Villain Identity: The Mumbler, the arch-nemesis of Bagman.
Secret Fetish: Buddha-shaped Candles
Special Talents: Kickin' it free-style, and laughing like a walrus.
Worst Memory: His childhood in the sweatshops of Nicaragua, with Anita, the Stuttering Tyrant.
Quote: "You had me blindfolded. It wasn't my fault."