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| Mike "Gas Master" Borden |
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| Year: |
Graduated 2005 |
| Age: |
Much like his ethnicity, unknown. |
| Hometown: |
Slaughterhouse, New Hampshire |
| Major: |
Sandals |
| Hobbies: |
Baking, womanizing, and disappearing like a ninja. |
| Spirit Animal: |
The nimble, yet looming, giraffe. |
| Super-Villain Identity: |
The Mumbler, the arch-nemesis of Bagman. |
| Secret Fetish: |
Buddha-shaped Candles |
| Special Talents: |
Kickin' it free-style, and laughing like a walrus. |
| Worst Memory: |
His childhood in the sweatshops of Nicaragua, with Anita, the Stuttering Tyrant. |
| Quote: |
"You had me blindfolded. It wasn't my fault." |
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