| | |
| Year: |
Senior |
| Age: |
(5(3x-4y)/(6!))-1 = 79 |
| Hometown: |
DU sponsored halfway house in Sunnytonfieldville, Massachussetts |
| Hobbies: |
Wearing wool coats, thinking of better names for his chia pet Chiarley (its a Chief Wiggum head chia pet), color-coding his set of 64 crayola crayons |
| Coolest Summer Job: |
Boy Scout popcorn taste tester |
| Favorite Texture: |
The glitter on birthday cards |
| Favorite Blimpie: |
Smoked capacola, lettuce, peppers, onions, olives, swiss cheese and barbecue mayonaisse on rye bread |
| Proudest Moment: |
Winning an installation art contest for a "Chiarley the chia pet" hickey on his outer thigh |
| Saddest Moment: |
Having his award revoked because the "hickey" was discovered to be a birthmark |
| Career Goal: |
That he one day gets scratched by an experienced chemistry researcher and the radioactive under-the-nail-build-up endows him with the mutant power of double-jointedness, allowing him to move up in the hierarchy of contortionists |
